


Crash

by Jinko



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:06:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinko/pseuds/Jinko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was so much that he wanted to show Finn — worlds and foods and dances and cultures — but no one knew how much time either of them had. That’s how it was in a war. Anyone could be lost in a moment. Like Muran.</p>
<p>So he wrote it all down, waiting for Finn to wake up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crash

**Author's Note:**

> This is for a prompt asking: 28. “I didn’t lose it, I just misplaced it.” / 40. “I believe you dropped this.”

“So you lost it?” 

Pava, for all her glorious positives, wasn’t particularly helpful by that point. In fact, she was more content to sit on the edge of Poe’s bed, watching him almost gleefully, as he rummaged through the papers on his desk.

“I didn’t lose it, I just misplaced it,” Poe grunted, but he knew he’d lost it, and she’d never stop giving him hell for it if he admitted that.

Because really, who loses a love letter?

Well, that was what Jess called it. Poe hadn’t once thought of the letter as a love letter. It had been something he’d written after hours of sitting beside Finn’s healing body following the battle on the Star Destroyer, worry gnawing at him with every passing second.

There was so much that he wanted to show Finn — worlds and foods and dances and cultures — but no one knew how much time either of them had. That’s how it was in a war. Anyone could be lost in a moment. Like Muran. 

So he wrote it all down, waiting for Finn to wake up. 

He started with his childhood. He didn’t know how a Stormtrooper’s childhood played out but Poe figured it mustn’t have been the greatest thing, so he wrote about Yavin 4 and what it was like to fly in his mother’s RZ-I A-wing. He wrote about the most extravagant wedding he’d ever attended, which lasted eight days. If it came to his mind while he sat in the medical wing, it was written down. Pages upon pages of memories and thoughts. 

And when he was sent away on a mission, he sealed the pages in an envelope and left them with Finn, with ‘ _ for Finn, in case I die’  _ inscribed on the envelope. 

He didn’t die, he came back, and Finn was still unconscious. Poe took the letter back, unsealed the envelope, and continued writing.

When Finn did wake, Poe had been in the hangar, making sure his ship was in ship-shape. He hadn’t stayed in there for much longer. The moment word got back to Poe that Finn was awake, he’d dashed across the base.

Poe hadn’t been able to see Finn straight away, but the General reassured him that Finn was going to be alright. 

He didn’t pass on the letter when he saw Finn, though. He had some recovering to do, and when he wasn’t in physical therapy, he was sleeping. It gave Poe the chance to fill the letter in some more.

He got upset the first time he stained the paper with the food he was eating at lunch while writing. The second stain two days later annoyed him. By the fifth, he shrugged it off, because it added character. There were grease stains and smudges and tiny tears on the edges. Snap doodled BB-8 in the corner of one page when Poe wasn’t watching. Poe tried sketching Finn’s likeness, himself. 

Basic recon missions spent drifting in space, waitin for the enemy to appear to see if their intel was correct, meant he could prattle on to his heart’s content, filling page after page with his thoughts and feelings.

And when he wrote out a confession of the feelings that made his heart flutter, Poe wasn’t surprised.

Life was hard when his heart ruled his hand.

But somehow, right when he needed the letter the most, after General Organa had briefed him and his squad on their latest and very dangerous mission, it was gone.

“I think you should just smooch him. Just plant a good one right on his lips.”

“Last week’s sexual harassment seminar says not to do that,” Poe grumbled and moved to check the pockets of every piece of clothing he owned.

“Still a better plan than losing the famous love letter,” Jess shrugged.

“It’s not a love --  _ famous _ ?”

It was the only thing that made him stop.

And Pava was grinnin like the cat that caught the canary.

“Everyone knows about it. I heard even Rey asked General Organa about it in their last transmission and she’s on some super-secret planet with the galaxy’s greatest recluse.”

Pava had a great ear for gossip, and an even better mouth for it.

“She did not.”

The letter wasn’t in his room.

The only other place Poe could think of was in his X-wing, so he threw on a jacket and a pair of boots and headed out to the hangar.

It was just his luck that in just fourteen hours, he was going on a mission no one could say for certain he’d return from and he couldn’t find the letter he’d spent hours working on.

By the end of the day, he had to call it quits. Poe needed to rest before heading out to what might be his final mission, and while it pained him to leave without giving Finn what he needed him to see, he had no other choice.

Finn was by his side for dinner in the mess hall, as always. It was obvious Finn was worried about Poe’s chances of returning — there was a tension neither of them were comfortable with — but they both smiled and talked about what they hoped would be served for dinner  _ tomorrow _ night, like they were both definitely going to be there for it.

Pava and Snap and many of the others watched them closely, as if they were expecting Poe to follow Jess’ rather forward suggestion, but Poe would never do that to Finn.

Instead, they bade each other a good night and retired to their own quarters for the night.

Come morning, Finn was waiting for him in the hangar. They hugged each other goodbye and that was it.

Poe felt ill. There was so much he still had to show Finn — to tell him — and his only chance to give him that was to return from the deadly battle he was flying out to.

-

Poe was shot down.

-

When he woke four days later, it was to the pristine ceiling of the med ward, and then, when he turned his head to the right, to the relieved look on Finn’s smiling face.

Seconds later, a droid took Finn’s spot.

It wasn’t until a day after that Poe found the letter. Finn held it in his hands.

“I believe you dropped this,” he said softly and presented the sealed envelope to Poe, who sighed with relief. It made his ribs ache a little more than normal, but he couldn’t help but be happy that it was there. 

“I found it in the hangar. It’s from you, right?” 

Poe didn’t know if he figured it out from his handwriting on the envelope or because he’d be the only one leaving something behind for Finn if they died.

“You didn’t die, so I didn’t open it,” Finn continued. “Almost had to on day two, though. You crashed for a couple of minutes, and I’ve gotta tell you, man; since meeting you and Rey, I’ve been terrified a lot, but the idea of actually opening this because you did die was the worst. Well, seeing Kylo Ren take Rey was pretty…” He paused and took in a shaky breath. “Anyway. You’re alive and that’s what matters.” Finn’s hand found Poe’s and gave it a good squeeze, one that warmed Poe to his toes. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you. I never want to have to open this thing, ever.”

“I want you to,” Poe suddenly realised, blurting the words out before his brain could stop them. Life was hard when his heart ruled his mouth. 

But the reality was that he wanted Finn to know everything in that letter and more, and it broke his heart to think about Finn experiencing what was in that letter after Poe was gone.

“You want me to read it?”

“It’s a list of everything I wanted to say to you after the Star Destroyer,” Poe said softly and his eyelids started to droop. Recovering from a crash landing was tiresome — he more often than not nodded off mid-sentence. It had left Finn pale the first time it had happened. “Things I was scared I’d never be able to say or show you.”

“Okay,” said Finn and he squeezed Poe’s hand again. “You go to sleep and I’ll read this.”

“You got it, buddy.”

He pulled his hand away so he could open the envelope but it returned moments later, that time winding their fingers together.

Poe fell asleep.

Finn was missing when Poe woke next. He didn’t know what that meant. Maybe he’d reached the point of the letter where Poe confessed his feelings and didn’t want to be by his side anymore; maybe it was time for lunch.

The medical team took over while Poe stewed in his own horrible thoughts, helping him in the refresher and into a new pair of pyjamas. 

He was halfway through a meal of his own, propped up on the bed with a mountain of pillows behind him, when Finn charged into the bay, all broad grins and giddiness. 

“You’ll never guess what I did,” Finn announced and dropped into his chair.

“I…”

“We are going to the hot springs of Carmesia!”

The Carmesian springs were probably one of Poe’s favourite places. He’d dedicated pages of the letter to them, describing the clarity of the water and the glittering purple rocks and — Poe froze. He mentioned Carmesia  _ after _ his confession.

“The General’s approved you flying the two of us there once you’re in flying shape.”

“I -- you want to go with me?”

Finn scoffed, but it was with a smile. “Yeah. And to the Iskran wildlife reserve and to the Azul projects....”

“With me?”

“Yeah.” Finn eyed him for a moment, like he was trying to understand why Poe was struggling to understand why he’d want that. “Oh. Pava said I should probably just kiss you, but the sexual harassment seminar...I mean, I know I want to and you want to, but just because we both want it doesn’t mean we both consent and…”

“I consent,” Poe breathed and Finn was on his feet in a second, moving the forgotten food tray from Poe’s lap and setting it on the bedside table so he could sit on the edge of the bed. 

“Me too,” Finn swallowed and cupped Poe’s cheek. His other hand wrapped around Poe’s as he leant in to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [jinkohamilton](http://jinkohamilton.tumblr.com).


End file.
